the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
