Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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