he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
