College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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