I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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