I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
