I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
