why didn't you poke me back
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
