haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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