I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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