Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
