Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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