How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
