Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
