tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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