Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
