I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
