Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
