Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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