I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
