After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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