Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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