Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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