I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
