Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
