Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
