that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
