I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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