Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
