Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
