it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
