my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
