im holly from the hills drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
