Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
