just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
