I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
