never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
