i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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