so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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