Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
