your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
