What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
