Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
