I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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