those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
