I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
