There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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