Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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