im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
