I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
