how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
