I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
