Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're breaking my sexual little heart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
