I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
