did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
