Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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