you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
