Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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