We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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