Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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