Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
