Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
