did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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