I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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