you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My life is pants optional.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
