last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
