We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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