remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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