chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we're so committed to being not committed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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